Or, as we like to call it, life with a fifth-grader.
Ryan has always been a bit of an eye roller. Like the time I told him I was going to be really annoyed if he didn't do well on his Social Studies test because he "forgot" to bring the book home so he could study. EYE ROLL! (He ended up getting the highest grade in the class). Then there was the time I told him he needed to start brushing his teeth better or he was sure to come home with a mouth full of cavities. EYE ROLL! (You guessed it...not a cavity to be had). I suppose it's no wonder he truly believes that he knows way more than us, his totally lame parents.
Now this attitude would be incredibly annoying if it weren't for the fact that it has led to some rather amusing conversations. For example, this one on the way to the library the other night:
Emily: So I discovered that my CD player has this really cool thing. It will play the first couple of seconds of a song and then skip to then next song. It's called intro. It's like magic.
Ryan: Yeah, when Emily first showed me, I thought it was a malfunction.
Emily: A what?
Ryan: A malfunction.
Emily: Is that even a word?
Ryan: (EYE ROLL!) Yes, Emily. It means breakment.
Emily: What's breakment?
Ryan: (Urgh) Emily, it means to be broken.
Me: You know that "breakment" isn't really a word, right?
Ryan: (URGH! EYE ROLL!) Whatever...you know what I mean.
Ah, good stuff.
And then there was this one the other night:
Emily: I can't believe you're still eating.
Ryan: That's because I enjoy my food. I don't just hork it down like the rest of you!
Me: I'm sorry, hork?
Ryan: (EYE ROLL!) It's a word.
Doug: Says who?
Ryan: (smirking) It's a word. I heard it on Ratatouille.
Doug: I'm going to have to look that one up. (leaves the room to go look it up).
Doug: Well, according to Webster, hork is not a word...
Ryan: (EYE ROLL!!)
Doug: So I looked it up in the Urban Dictionary and definition #3 is, "to eat very fast."
Ryan: (jumping out of his chair, hands waving in the air) I told you! I told you! Ha!
There will be no living with him now...